The Future of Employment

You can get good help, these days.

Overview

If you have ever owned or leased a household robot, you may have wondered whether the cost and maintenance were worth it. It may have been when you learned that no one sells a robot that can fold clothes.

This is just one of the myriad tasks that still require a pair of human hands. However, hiring a pair of hands can be more trouble than it’s worth. If you have ever hired someone to care for an elderly relative, you have probably wished for a robot when you heard excuses for absenteeism.

We can provide a customized solution to your unique needs. We provide the precision of human hands with the reliability and efficiency of a robot.

Who We Are

All Hands is an employment agency specializing in placement in:

• Domestic Help
• Nursing & Medical Assisting
• Entertainment
• Hospitality
• Personal Services (Hairdressing, Childcare)

Our advantage over robot leasing organizations is that we provide human hands when the job requires it. Our advantage over other placement firms is that we provide workers that work as efficiently and reliably as robots, for much less cost than other placement firms. We take care of all the training, payroll and scheduling.

How It Works

All of our workers are shareholders. They receive shares of stock when they have our patented Training Receptor™ hardware installed in their sensorimotor cortex. This memory chip gives the shareholder the ability to directly download Task Library™ software from our vast library of specific tasks.

By downloading the Hand Movement™ data directly to their sensorimotor cortex, our shareholders avoid time-consuming training. A shareholder can report to an assignment within 60 minutes in most cases, and begin work immediately - with minimal or no supervision.

Our Task Library™ includes instruction on Effective Listening, for tasks not in the database. The memory chip keeps track of deadlines and work completed, and streams virtual reality entertainment to the shareholder.

The memory chip enables our shareholders to know when and where to show up for work each day. Our shareholders receive dividends, a stipend and medical care. If one shareholder is ill, another shareholder can take his or her place for that day.

If your specific task is not in our Task Library™, the shareholder may require some orientation. Once he or she learns the task, the muscle memory is banked in the shareholder’s memory chip. It can then be uploaded to our Task Library™, so that the precise muscle movement data can be downloaded to any of our shareholders.

If you have a task that requires a pair of human hands, but you do not want the expense or headache of hiring, visit our order form. You can place your order, have your work completed, and not have to think about it again until you receive our bill.

Some workers have criminal records, but this won’t be an issue for clients. All actions are recorded by the shareholder’s memory chip, so if there is an allegation of theft, damage or injury, the file can be reviewed by all interested parties. No worker with a criminal record is ever assigned childcare tasks.

Merry Christmas, Suckers

We frequently hear or read that 1% of the population of the United States holds 95% of the wealth of the United States. I often hear the question, “How much do you need?” in discussions about the 1%. We may like to think of the 1% as greedy bloodsuckers, but we don’t make it very difficult for them to take our money. Christmas provides a good example.

The term “Black Friday” comes from accounting jargon. Before they had electronic spreadsheets, accountants recorded debts and losses in red ink and recorded gains and profits in black ink on paper ledgers. Historically, many retailers operated at a loss until the day after Thanksgiving, when we all started our Christmas shopping. So, the day after Thanksgiving became known as “Black Friday” because that is when the retailers finally started showing a profit – or started operating “in the black” - for the year. Imagine that. A store stays open all year long just so that we can spend money during the last month of the year.

We can count the family that owns Walmart among the 1%. Walmart has helped us to start a new Holiday tradition: recording our neighbors brawling with each other over merchandise on Thanksgiving Day and posting those videos on social media. We do not brawl with each other over bread because of hunger, we brawl with each other over a bunch of junk that we don’t need. We camp out in front of BestBuy in order to get a place in line so that we can buy electronic devices that we can’t figure out how to use. We trample each other to get shoes that bear the name of a retired professional basketball player. We pay huge premiums for clothing with huge logos of professional sports franchises so we can have the privilege of becoming mobile signs for private businesses.

We give our money to the 1% all year long at the gas pump. We drive around in outrageously large vehicles and drive them much faster than necessary. We think public transportation is for bums and bicyclists just slow us down. We urge each other to “support our troops,” never thinking that if we didn't demand so much gasoline the oil companies wouldn't have the power to put our boys and girls in harm’s way.

I could go on about other rackets such as makeup, TV and food. We pay more for branding and attractive packaging than we do for the actual food. We helped banks become too big to fail by accepting loans from them for more house than we need.

I have heard complaints about the commercialization of Christmas my whole life. My question to you this Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. 99%: How much do you need?